“Snap” passed away on November 5, 2009 after a short illness and 14 years of tireless dog service. He is survived by his Girl, a Neurotic Jack Russell Terrier, “Woody,” an oblivious, Special-Needs Border Collie, “Pogo,” and an extended family of humans of varying ages, all of whom considered Snap “a hella cool dog.”
An informal memorial will be held on Friday, November 6, 2009 by the family in the form of a nice long walk and extra dog biscuits. A wine service is currently being considered for any who would like to attend. In lieu of flowers, please show condolences by finding a canine in close proximity and extending a pat accompanied by the words: “Good Dog.”
Snap began life in Longbranch, WA on August 5, 1995. He was born to “Pete” and “Molly,” the proud parents of Snap and 3 other siblings. His Border Collie family has a long and varied history of sheep herding, a profession Snap chose to eschew in favor of lifelong advocacy to The Ball, The Frisbee and Things That Can Be Thrown for a Dog.
At age 8 weeks, Snap was purchased by a family of dubious intelligence who allowed him to live outside until he was two years old, and then in the fall of 1997 remanded him to Seattle Purebred Dog Rescue on the premise that he was “not very smart.” He disproved this statement quickly by showing that he always understood everything that was ever said to him.
It was at this time that Snap met his Girl and his former partner, the late “Tessie” (4/3/93 – 7/11/06). Snap and Tessie’s union was never formally recognized by the state because of arcane laws concerning dogs, however they behaved as a true married couple – bickering, stealing each other’s food, and generally treating the other one with contempt. Shortly after Tessie’s passing, Snap and his Girl took up residence with Woody and Pogo – who, while they did not replace Tessie in Snap’s affections, did provide an outlet for any untapped aggression and extra toys and food when they were not vigilant.
Throughout his life, Snap’s passion was Running to Fetch Things For Humans. His preferred items to fetch were The Ball and The Frisbee, but ingeniously, Snap would encourage the throwing of: sticks, twigs, rocks, pinecones, balled up pieces of paper, children’s toys, shoes, makeup, wine corks, bits of plastic, leaves, gum wrappers and many other portable items that could be dropped in a lap and subsequently tossed.
Snap also enjoyed swimming, hiking, riding in cars with the windows open, begging for pizza crusts and laying his head on laps while staring into human eyes. He was never considered a cuddler, but his knack for seeking out humans who needed to pat a Good Dog was widely recognized. It was often noted that when you needed comfort, Snap was there, and you knew you were done needing comfort when he dropped the ball in your lap, indicating you had felt sorry for yourself long enough.
Although he was fluent in both Dog and English, he was a quiet dog, occasionally “whoowooing” in welcome or barking to alert his family to an unfamiliar human. He did most of his talking with his dark brown eyes that were accented by laser beams if a game of fetch might be forthcoming.
Snap did work sporadically throughout his life to end the existence of Cats, whom he considered a plague on the planet. This aversion began with “Ozzie,” an obese, unpleasant cat who taught Snap at an early age that cats are capable of eating dog food and sometimes stealing human hands that should be throwing things for dogs to fetch. Another cat, “Bizkit,” reinforced this belief, once even engaging in a UFC-like fight with Snap in a locked bathroom, resulting in minor wounds and the last time Snap would ever tolerate a cat in his living space. Even though Snap was unsuccessful in ridding the world of all cats, he continued to protect his food from imaginary cats until his death.
It is suspected that Snap developed an undetectable form of cancer during his last year. Although he continued to fetch, hike, and beat the crap out of Woody and Pogo, he declined in recent months, preferring to sleep near the toilet and pretend to be deaf when he was called. He also suffered from selective dementia, “forgetting” his name when begging at the table was prohibited or a bath was imminent.
Snap’s life was ended peacefully by the gentle hands of a veterinarian with his head in the lap of his Girl. The day previous to his death, he had indicated that he would like to stay alive for a bit longer, giving his Girl, her male human, and their human puppies a chance to pat him for a final time and to assure all of them that he was ready to go to Dog Heaven.
The human puppies are marking Snap’s passing by creating a bright and beautiful display of hand-drawn art projects featuring rainbows and amorphous dog shapes surrounded by tears and stars.
Heartbroken for now, his Girl will remember all the milestones in life that Snap shared with her for the past twelve years. His unconditional love, acceptance and simple joy in life will leave an empty spot in her heart. The Girl hopes that empty spot will eventually be filled with all the things that Snap and other Good Dogs try to teach humans, best written as follows:
THINGS I LEARNED FROM MY DOG
1. Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.
2. Allow the experience of fresh air and wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.
3. When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
4. When it’s in your best interest, practice obedience.
5. Let others know when they have invaded your territory.
6. Take naps and stretch before rising.
7. Run, romp and play daily.
8. Eat with gusto and enthusiasm.
9. Be loyal.
10. Never pretend to be something you are not.
11. If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
12. When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close and nuzzle them gently.
13. Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
14. Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
15. On hot days, drink lots of water and lay under a shade tree.
16. When you’re happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
17. No matter how often you are scolded, don’t buy into the guilt thing and pout, run right back and make friends.
18. Bond with your pack.
19. Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
20. Long after you are gone, remain a memory in your master’s dreams
